A detached existence

Some blog posts aren't meant to make much sense. This is one such.

Detached, aloof, wandering, watching the world from dizzy heights above.

A bird's eye. A desire to fly. To lose all cares and soar high.

Transported to a different reality. A different life.

Not making sense of the world around.

Much ado to know myself,

and yet remain,

unknown.

The wonder years

Reclaimed an old email account and an associated blog of 6 years back today. My! what kids we were and what we are now.The password I had used at that time itself was hilarious. Memories.

and the old emails. Of people I am hardly in touch with now. Just a new year wish and maybe a birthday wish. The years between us. Of how we thought the friendships would remain the same and the plans to always always stay in touch.

Of the twists and turns life has taken, for some for the better, for others for the worst.
Of the novel a friend had started on our lives. Still unfinished.
Of pacts... some silly and some still kept until date.
Of friends still cherished and as close and others lost forever.
Of pure innocence and joy.

The wonder of the bygone years and the uncertainty of the years to come. Makes for a heady cocktail on a quiet day off.

On forgetfulness!

Seems like age is catching up....and I haven't even touched a quarter century yet! :|

How else do you explain things like forgetting names of people you went to school with, the song you heard in the morning, the name of the place where you gave your first college party and the weirdest of all - words!!!!

It was always a task to be able to remember by dinner what I had for lunch..Now that happens with most of us. I am sure even you don't rem what you had for lunch yesterday!... You do it without being aware of it but this is a whole new level! How can you forget words! Its almost comical filmy Paresh Rawalish... when you remember the concept and forget the bloody word :|

Too much dependence on google for everything you can't remember? Just Plain Distraction? Overwork? Beginning of Selective Amnesia? Information overload??? (!!)

Exaggeration? Well. Okay, Somewhat.
Worrying? Definitely!

The Futility of it all!

Such are times when words fail you. The shock of the situation is mind boggling. So is the stupidity. And then there are the reactions. The buffoonery of the media and the bottom of their heart felt concern of the 'leaders'. They could well be thrown down a bottomless pit.

So what do we do? Put up status messages saying "What is happening?" and " Can India ever put an end to terrorism?" and some say "We should kill the terrorists". Great Idea. Are you going to kill them?

Our heroes go in ill-fitting bullet proof jackets and helmets and are soon declared martyrs. While the terrorists tote AK 56's and hold the nation hostage. They are 'sophisticated' terrorists...We on the otherhand like to keep stone age weaponry and technology. The tax payers money can be put to better uses... You know we the politicians have a whole generation of our families to look after , after all!

The journalist shoves the mike up a newly released hostages face and wants to know how he feels. The Dim wit politician sitting in a studio discusses the political fall out of the situation. Oh look! the UPA's image is going down a notch. Oh and those English people being held hostage.... what would happen to the England India match now? Woe be us! :| Oh they have grenades, we are using our "fair share" of grenades too... Don't you worry! All terrorists are flushed out. Oh look there is one more! Must have been playing hide and seek.

Hey what was that 'we will stomp out all terror...' statement we issued last time to the public? Was a good one...change the date and issue it again. Keep it handy. We might need it again you know!

What else do we do? Discuss it over lunch and dinner? Sit glued to the TV, Blog about it? So its just one way of expressing yourself. Nothing against it. But the futility of it all is exasperating. Express your self all you want but what do you do about it? What am I doing about it? The answer is none of us have a clue. We could all debate endlessly about what needs to be done. I for sure have my ideas and you yours. So we debate. What then? What could or would a common person do about it?

The Charade continues and then we forget. The indifference is appalling. Its scary on how far the indifference can go. Maybe the only time we would be concerned would be when the bullet would come and hit us. Too late for concern then.

Numbing.

Now.

"From now on , I'll connect the dots my own way!" ~ Calvin

Twenty and three years is a very confusing stage... believe you me! It's where you try and fill in most of the variables to give your equation a definitive value. So many of life's defining events to come. Those that'll decide what shape it takes.

I start with my first job very soon. Excited to say the least... dont know how long the excitement will last though! There's one variable down!

You've moved on with the flow till now. Taken some decisions on your own, let some be governed by others. Some have just come. Happenstance.

Now is different. Now is when you decide.

Now what you do, is what you get to pat (!!?) yourself on your back for the rest of ur life!!! Now is also when you want to let your self imposed cares go with the wind. Now is also when you want to take in everything and Enjoy every moment. Now is the defining moment.

Now is a connundrum , also an opportunity.

It can be overwhelming too.

Now is when you go and and connect the dots your own way!

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Aptly summed up by the song I am listening to right now ....

"Tu Dhoop hai... chham se bikhar... tu hai nadi , oh bekhabar.... beh chal kahin, ud chal kahin.... dil khush jahan... teri toh manzil hai wahin!"

Unbelong

There is something poetic about the word "Unbelong"
Or maybe its just what staying awake till 5 am in the morning does to you!!! Theres been so much said and written about belonging and its opposite. And there are so many times when you wish for one or the other. Diametrically opposite.

Its the comfort and power you derive from being together, the force of "many".

Solitude has its charms. The need to break free, sit in a corner of the valley, unseen, unheard, at one with everything around you...Connecting the past with the present. That one moment bridging together different moments,Warping space and time.
The essential rejuvenating force, slowly bringing you back into the fold. Pure joy.

Then the pendulum swings - from one of the ends to the other , briefly tilting to one side before slowly re-achieving its balance. Some Pendulums however defy the basic laws.

So does the way a human mind works. Perfectly logical at one moment and totally incomprehensible at the next. A Pendulum gone astray. A Chimerical Conundrum .
Felt so clearly yet difficult to put down into written words.
An inexplicable emotion.

A sense of reality. A nudge into the present.
A class at 8:30 in the morning and the reverie is broken! :D

More from me later and most likely less of these random philosophical musings. And more of narration! The Pendulum has swung.

All in good time

Time seems to do a lot to you.

There it is, a dedicated carver, an artist.... slowly chipping away at you , and making the form emerge more and more vividly.

All in time.

It does so much and there are just those rare moments when you sit back and think admist the everyday rigmarole ....that you realize you are no longer the person whom you used to be.

They call it growing up.
In short you move from innocence to worldliness. For some it comes quick and early. For others it takes a little bit longer.

As kids you worry about things like... Would you be able to save enough money this week to buy a chocolate? Will your mum like the painting you made? Will she find out your secret hidden at the back of your drawer? or maybe get her hands on your diary? Will your friend score more than you or get a prettier dress?

The emotion remains the same..... essentially primitive. That maybe even time cant change. Only the manifestations change. The chocolate turns into a fancy cell phone to the home you want to buy. The secrets multiply. The diaries disappear.... you no longer have "time" to write. The prettier dress turns into a cooler boyfriend or girlfriend, to a better job.

Things you never expected, happen. They do all the time.

Things too change. People come, Some people go. Some go away forever.The place left empty is there forever. The pain softens with time..... and turns into a memory, a teary eyed smile.

New places , new people.... and you arent the same old you either.

People change and so do you. You think that you are beginning to understand yourself. You start seeing reason . Get up close and personal with yourself.
From then on everything changes.

Time.